With recent events, which are tragedies and dramatics... I need to dive into something. Sink myself into a hobby like I used to..
Writing calls sometimes. I feel like I need to write until my fingers are raw and my wrists burn with arthritic cramps.

Sounds like a plan...

So many unfinished stories, unwritten ideas... It's a waste...

Now?

The deep breath before the plunge, I'd say. Here goes.




Ben and I got a crib last night, it's beautiful. We spent the evening building it and making room in the bedroom.
I told my mom today, too. I just flat out told her that I didn't give a shit about her opinion or how pissed off she'd be.

It's excellent.

I'm so happy and excited. <3

Life's working out now that I'm doing what makes me happy.




There are some moments in life when things just seem to fit together, like the pieces have just fit together perfectly...

I had a huge wave of those feelings today.
It was like when you smell cinnamon buns cooking... you know what they are, and you are just sinfully blissfully, perfectly content with everything.

Things have worked out.
All is well.




When I got to homeroom today, Kathryn told me that her sister was '98% sure' that my doggie, Charlie, is malnourished.
Absolutlely terrified, I rushed to the computer in my first period class (Where I am now,) and I did some research on the health of puppies, and what to expect from them.

Thankfully, no evidence in Charlie points to malnutrition.
Thank God.

When Chelsea and Kat visited, Charlie had just eaten, and we feed him home-made organic food, so it is not the way people are used to a Dog's breath smelling. But it doesn't mean he's sick, thankfully.

His poops are pasty, and not clear or full of mucus, so that's a good sign. Also, he has a healthy apetite and is energetic, which is also a healthy sign.
Charlie's fur is not shiny, but I asked the vet about that the last time we were there (A week or so ago) and he said that because Charlie is still young (only 5 months), he has puppy fur, which is not as shiny and slick looking as the fur of an older dog.
So he's fine.

I did look online to see what, if anything, I'm doing wrong about his food, and it was inconclusive.
I'm considering meat in his food, but I believe that it would be a protien overload, which will kill his kidneys.

I swear, it hurt my heart so much to hear someone say that they didn't think I was adequately caring for my dog. It was like a huge kick in the face...
I mean, I know it's normal for people to observe and comment on the things around them... but questioning my ability to care for my pet...

Well whatever.
He's healthy, not dying, not underweight. He'll be just fine.

I wonder if things will be like this when I have a child. Will people see that I make my own baby food and assume that I'm not feeding them properly? Will people question my ability to raise a child, and tell me that

"I'm 98 percent sure that your daughter is very unhealthy" you bad bad bitch of a mother.

God I hope not.

But then again, I've met women like this, who always have an opinion of everything and everyone. Like my mom!
I'll never hear the end of it.

Phuck.

anyway, I should get to actually being in class now,
Ciao




Please, for the sake of the world... someone please slap me the next time I try to write a blog while PMS'ing.

I can't believe some of the things I wrote. How could a person say things like that?

I can't expect myself to find true friendship if I'm not at least willing to be the kind of friend that I seek.

I want to apologize to the people who were hurt by my last blog. Swear to blog it won't happen again. All my friends should know that I appreciate, love, and respect them.

Kittymunchkin, I don't know how I can help you... I truly honestly don't. But honey I'm going to try. You need things to make you happy, and I know that maybe I can help you with that.
MAYBE.
I just wish that this was like a fresh start for us.
Hopefully your date on friday will make things better. Maybe it will turn out that this person makes you happier than you ever could have imagined.
how nice would that be?

I wish you the best, and I support you in anything you want to do.
We all need a friend.
Shitheads begone, eh?

-jess

and what i want to be(for today)
let me just be myself
at 18 years old
bornJanuary 19 1990
nova scotia