That's what all people say11:01 AM
Saturday, March 1, 2008
---- Finding My Own Little Neverland
Journal...Friday, Feb 29th, 2008
I'm back at school today for the first time in awhile. I've been missing time due to god knows what going on in my head. It's not easy to cope. Maybe I'm selfish... Is it totally ridiculous of me to be upset over nothing...Maybe I should just suck it up through a bit imaginary straw of life.
If I use my imagination, then my life is just a laughable cartoon of characters...
The witch- my mom
The prince- Ben
Random Goblin- Justice
Tower- Depression
The depression keeps all the good guys away while I putter and moan wishing that someone would save me...
But here it is... Ben the handsome prince keeps trying to rescue me, but...
I'm so high up in my 'tower' that I don't see it.
Poor Ben. I can't help but keep him at an arm's distance for some reason. I still love him, that's for sure. I just have such small amounts of patience right now.
The house, for one, is a complete cyclone and I don't like going/being there because of it.
Today I will clean the house and hope, once again, that it stays clean. But of course, Ben doesn't really understand the concept of me.
The house makes it worse... I know it. I don't know how to make Ben realize that I need him to try. He washes the dishes to the best of his ability but they often come out of the sink looking worse than when they went in...
I could try to teach him I suppose.
But Patience... Oh I lack it.
I never pictured myself having the same shit-ass problems with Ben that my mother had with Danny. Could it be that I'm dooomed to become like my mother?
If I am sure of this...
Bring me a kilo of cocaine so I can take it all at once and die now... please
Something in her head is not right... Every and any time that I come to her for advice she turns it into a story about how SHE handled the same situation sooo much better than I did. She just turns it all into the bullshit she must see in her head about how she is better than everybody else alive because she handles things better and blows off her kids to pursue an education that she believes will bring her fame and fortune which seem to be the only thing she wants in her life. "
That and the perfect man.
But even the most perfect man on the earth would not live up to her obscene standards. And if he did... he'd be joining me in front of a swimming pool full of razor blades for a dive soon enough.
Anyway, I hate my mom. Get it?
We're watching Finding Neverland in Child Studies class... and it's so beautiful and inspirational...
The story of Peter pan is one of my favorites... it's so lovely and touching.
I just want to hug Peter until he feels better.
Knowing the story behind the story is even better.
I've been cured by Johnny Depp once again! Huurah!
He should have a religion...
-Jess
"The dragonfly symbolizes going past self-created illusions that limit our growing and changing. Dragonflies are a symbol of the sense of self that comes with maturity.